Colour wheel theory of love by John Alan Lee (2024)

John Alan Lee’s color wheel theory proposes that love, like colors, has three “primary” elements (passion, companionship, and respect). These three can be mixed to create every other element.

John Alan Lee argued that there were different kinds of love. He used a color analogy to talk about them. He believed that three primary emotions, when mixed, make up all other emotions. This approach, which was proposed in the 70s, is an important reminder that to be happy, everyone needs respect, companionship, and passion.

Before we go into detail, let’s talk a little bit about the author of this theory. While his name is no longer famous, in his day, he excelled at combining social activism with academic research. He was a respected sociologist at the University of Toronto and spent his life trying to understand the psychology of love and sexuality.

John Alan Lee was a union member, Amnesty International activist, and human rights defender for the LGBTQ community. He was also one of the most active proponents of the right to die (assisted suicide). He chose that end for himself when the moment came. He led this world in peace after writing down his memories and realizing that he had fulfilled his purpose, which was to fight for the importance of love and mutual respect.

John Alan Lee wrote about his theory in a book called The Colors of Love. He also published the results of a study that he conducted for several years at the University of Toronto, Canada. In his book, he argues that authentic love, the most enriching kind of love, is blue, red, and yellow.

When you mix these three colors, you get new and fascinating shades of love. However, in terms of emotions, nothing is more important than this primary color base. Lee’s theory proposed these dimensions of love:

• Ludus (blue), love as a game.
• Eros (red), loving an ideal person.
• Storge, (yellow) love as friendship.

Eros:

In Greek mythology, this was the son of Aphrodite who was the goddess of beauty, fertility, and love. Eros was considered to be the god of love. According to Psychologist John Lee, this is the erotic and romantic style of love. It is an intense love, formed by physical chemistry, intensity, instinct, and lust. The traits attached to a relationship strong with an Eros connection are love risk-takers, strong physical and emotional connections with the other, and a desire to be exclusive but not controlling or possessive.

Ludus:

Ludus is a Latin term that means play and falls under the subcategories of game, sport, and training. Having a ludic relationship is having childish fun and can be full of laughter and flirtatious behavior, without any serious attachment. People who relate to this category often view love as a game to be played and might be reluctant to be part of a long-term relationship.

Storge:

Storge is the natural love between family members. The Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon defines storge as “cherishing one’s kindred, especially parents or children; the mutual love of parents and children and wives and husbands; loving affection; prone to love; loving tenderly; chiefly of the reciprocal tenderness of parents and children.” Storage can be viewed as stability and friendship.

In a relationship, this type of love occurs as a natural circ*mstance of similar personalities, likes, and dislikes as well as a common love for the same past times. Trust and loyalty are the foundation of this type of relationship, yet since the bond is so special, there might be a touch of possessiveness. This is usually a relationship that develops after being friends for many years when friends become lovers and partners.

Pragma (Ludus + Storge)

Pragma is an abbreviation of the word pragmatic which means to deal with people and situations practically and in a sensible way. This is a relationship style that treats relationships like a business arrangement, being ruled by logical decisions of needs versus passion, emotion, and impulsivity. The good and the bad of the relationship are measured, weighed-out and the connection is based on their preconceived notion of their ideal partner. It’s a calculated relationship style.

Mania (Eros + Ludus):

This term stems from the word manic, which means euphoria, and delusions, marked by periods of great excitement. More often than not, this is a codependent relationship, where need and obsession can easily be seen as passion and intense love. It can jump extremes between really possessive and then really distant. Sexual intimacy is minimally enjoyed.

Agape (Eros + Storge):

In the Greek New Testament Lexicon, agape means goodwill and benevolence. This relationship is based on mutual respect out of devotion and pure love for one another. Partners will sacrifice some of their needs for their partner, without bitterness or upset. This relationship is noble, pure, and selfless. The agape lover believes in unconditional love and is all-giving.

It’s a vast spectrum of love styles. There’s even a third level put forth with even more combinations of styles.