When you're heading out on a first date, you might be wondering one thing: Will the night end with a kiss or not? While it's entirely normal to think about this in the hours leading up to said get-together, our first piece of advice is to not let this question overwhelm you. Our next piece of advice? Do what works best for your dating life.
According to Wale Okerayi LMHC LPC, a licensedmental health counselor, it's entirely okay to kiss on the first date if that is something you'd like to do. "I think society has made us feel like everything is on a specific timeline. If there’s mutual respect and consent, I say go for it," she shares.
With that in mind, if it's helpful for you to understand how to navigate the anticipation surrounding a kiss before entering your first date, we put together a quick guide to explain what you need to know. Following the expertise of Okerayi and Sheril Kirshenbaum, an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us", here's how to decide if, and when, you should end your night with a peck on the lips.
Meet the Expert
- Wale Okerayi LMHC LPCis a licensed mental health counselor practicing in both New York and Texas. She specializes in individual and relationship counseling and can be reached directly viaher website.
- Sheril Kirshenbaum is an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us," a book that explores the science behind kissing.
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How to Decide If You Should Kiss on a First Date
If you happen to be on the fence about kissing on the first date, consider this: One of the benefits of giving or receiving a kiss is that it can help you determine if there's chemistry between you and your date. Research has also shown that kissing is a positive behavior that is linked to pleasure, joy, and commitment in adult relationships.
That said, if you're comfortable with the idea of kissing on the first date, here are a few practical ways to determine if giving or receiving a kiss is the right move.
Assess if you and your date have chemistry.
If you and your date are flirting and you feel like there's an instant spark, take it as a sign that you might want to end night with a romantic kiss. Kirshenbaum also adds that "The more anticipation you feel leading up to a kiss, the greater the dopamine spike." Meaning, a night of flirting and romantic chemistry will likely lead to an amazing first-date kiss.
Determine if a kiss will show your date that you're interested.
When you've had an enjoyable, engaging, and thrilling first date with someone, sealing the evening witha terrificFrench kiss can be a way to add an exclamation point on the great time you both had. In some cases, kissing on a first date can also leave you both excited about getting to see each other in the future.
Fair warning: Even if you kiss on the first date, that doesn't signify that you'll have another date with this person. Unfortunately, there are plenty of daters who end up kissing at the end of the night but never hear from their date again. Many people who are serial daters may go in for the kiss now, only to ghost you later.
Lean into your instincts.
There's nothing greater than trusting your gut when trying to make a decision. So, if kissing your date is something you'd really like to do—plus, your date is open to it—lean into what you feel is right and kiss on the first date. The key is to go with what your instincts are telling you, while also being respectful to your date's boundaries.
When to Kiss on a First Date
As no twofirst dates are alike, it's up to you to decide when you'd like to kiss the person you're with or not. And in most cases, this simply just happens when the moment and mood are right, explains Okerayi. However, there are a few factors that can play a role in timing, like your location or even the weather.
Ultimately, though, having a plan on when and where to kiss on the first date isn't entirely realistic. The best thing to do is trust yourself and not put any pressure on finding the "right time." Plus, the more first dates that you go on, the more dating apps you join, and the more you put yourself out there, the better you'll be able to recognize firsthand when you should or shouldn't kiss someone.
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FAQs
This is probably the biggest question most people have: should you kiss on the first date? The honest answer is: it depends. It depends on the chemistry you and your date have, how the date went, whether the circ*mstances are suitable for a kiss, and most importantly, simply whether you want to.
Does a kiss on the first date mean anything? ›
They're trying to confirm there's a spark between you.
They'll also like the opportunity to see if there's real potential for passion. Look into their eyes after your first kiss. If you see excitement or tenderness, then they probably felt the chemistry they wanted to check for.
Is kissing on your first date too soon? ›
Expect to share a kiss within the first 3 dates.
Some people want to kiss right away on the first date, but others just need a little more time getting to know each other.
Is it a bad first date if you don t kiss? ›
There aren't hard-and-fast rules about whether you should go for a kiss on a first date, so don't overthink things. Just remember to consider: Your chemistry. Whether you'd leave her wanting more (or not)
How many dates until you kiss? ›
Surveys suggest that most people think the second date is best for the first kiss. The first date is a little too soon for many. Kissing early can also be complicated—some girls and guys aren't comfortable with it and there's a higher chance of it being awkward.
Do guys like it when a girl kisses them first? ›
"I think most guys would like it," one man wrote. "Men, in general, rarely get compliments. For a girl to make the first move on them is probably the best compliment they could ever have."
How common is kissing on a first date? ›
Nevertheless, 68% of singles say they would still be open to kissing someone on the first date. Additionally, 80% say they would be open to kissing on the second date, and 88% would kiss on the third date.
On what date should we kiss? ›
Kiss on whichever date you feel comfortable. Many people wait until the end of a first, second, or third date; this gives you time to get to know each other. Gauge your date's interest before planting one to make sure they're receptive to kissing. If you're not positive they're up for it, ask.
Who usually kisses first? ›
The kiss can be initiated by any (women or men), but the idea, is that when you approach to his lips, and close your eyes, you get a warm welcome to your beloved lips too. It is also the same, if the male, initiates the kiss. He wants a warm welcome, and not a cold rejection.
Should I ask my date if I can kiss her? ›
If you're unsure, it is best to ask, but when you ask: Remember to do so in a confident manner. If your kiss is rejected, that doesn't necessarily mean she's uninterested. It may have been too soon, or not the right place. You have to evaluate the entire interaction to make the best possible judgment call.
For some women kissing on the first date does not jive with their romantic inclinations. They like to wait until they know you better. Lastly, she may be waiting for you to make the first move.
Do you hug on a first date? ›
A short but sweet hug will set the date on the right course, especially if you've already been conversing a bit. A handshake, in my personal opinion, seems a bit stiff and formal — you're not here for a business transaction. Avoid a cheek kiss when first meeting someone.
What is the 3 date rule? ›
The three-date rule is the concept that, according to Chung, sets a standard of when you should engage sexually with someone. And as the name suggests, it's date number three that the "rule" says you should wait until you have sex. However, we know that sex is not a one-size-fits-all.
How many dates until intimacy? ›
A second study in 2017 asked men and women specifically how many dates they usually waited before having a sexual experience with their partner. On average, men reported waiting about five dates, and women reported a preference of waiting closer to nine dates. Overall the average was about eight dates.
What date should you hold hands? ›
There are no hard and fast rules regarding dating, particularly when holding hands is concerned. Each person and dynamic are different. However, when you're still in the getting-to-know-each-other phase or if you're meeting in person for the first time, it is generally more prudent to keep your hands to yourself.
Does kissing mean anything to guys? ›
Some men view kissing as something exciting at the beginning of a relationship, but as time passes, they start to think of it as a simple prelude to sex. Other guys love kissing and are passionate about it. One tip for how to tell if a guy likes kissing you is if he always lingers and could kiss you for hours.
When a guy wants to kiss you, what does that mean? ›
If he wants to kiss you, it MIGHT mean that he likes you. But kissing is in and of itself pleasant, so he might just do it for that reason. And he would probably like it if he could go further then that, and thinks that this might be a first step.
